I had no idea what to say, what to think, what to do. This was my dream, I figured no better time to get into the industry than now. I actually believed in myself for the first time in my life. I really thought one of those agencies would sign me. I thought it would be easy, they would be wowed by my pictures. I told myself these things. My friend and I were almost completely quiet for the walk back to the subway, the 30 min subway ride, then the 3 hour drive back to Harrisburg. I did a LOT of thinking during this time.
First, I was in denial. I didn’t think it was real, I didn’t want to talk to my boyfriend or anyone about it. I was embarrassed because I had so much faith in myself, when it turned to nothing.
Second, I was pissed. My friend and I basically bitched out the guy at Ford, amongst ourselves of course. We were also angry because of how Crystal Renn is so freaking thin these days, making our hopes for high fashion sink lower.
Thirdly, I realized there is no way I can quit. Modeling is like breathing to me, so natural, so necessary. I know that sounds lame, but its true.
-Another thing Wilhelmina told me was to get more commercial shots into my portfolio. That really bummed me out, because commercial is NOT what I want to do. I want to do what Crystal does so badly…
So I decided, I will re-vamp my portfolio. I have new hair, and a new attitude. Sure, I will do some commercial to please Wilhelmina but I will NOT stop doing high fashion shoots. High fashion is my passion. I know designers like Karl Lagerford and every amazing designer is against plus size (accept jean paul gaultier). It is time to help Crystal do some convincing. I will not give up on high fashion. It is time to (as many of my followers have told me) BLAZE MY OWN TRAIL. Crystal is the only famous high fashion plus model right now, not for long.
All I need is someone involved with Wilhelmina to believe in me, and help me get there. Because I will do EVERYTHING in my power to get there.
(If you haven’t noticed, I am not interested in Ford any longer. Not only was the guy un-professional, but so was the secretary. They both can stick their noses back up their butts. I appologize if I offended anyone. But think of all the other models humans they have hurt. I don’t care if they say “its the fashion industry that’s like that so get used to it”, Wilhelmina was perfectly polite and they are just as famous as Ford.)
