(Warning, I am going to get all deep/emotional/pissed/maybe mature at the end with all of you)
In many ways seeing this picture makes me feel like crying. Fuck that, a little piece of me dies inside. The hope, I had that plus size modeling was FINALLY going in the right direction is painfully leaving my body. I know this may seem a little dramatic to you, but I looked up to her like the older sister I never had. It is WRONG for me to be so disappointed in her like this all because of her size.
I mean, we have no idea what is going on in her life. She was recently divorced, I bet she is under a lot of pressure of keeping curves alive. All of this pressure on one girl?! Who had an eating disorder? Who knows it could be a relapse? Or it could be she is working out more? It is just hard to believe that she did it in a healthy way, because (while looking thin) Crystal’s agent said she was a 12 when walking for Chanel a MONTH ago. Now she is a two?!?!?!? I mean seriously?
I just don’t know how to feel right now, I wish I wasn’t as disappointed and heart broken. But I am. Everything I was working on achieving with modeling, is it even possible anymore? Does this mean that plus size models never really fit into the world of high fashion?
Crystal Renn is my number one idol. I wanted to be JUST like her, she modeled for Vogue, Chanel, Dolce and Gabbana, Mark Fast, and Elena Miro. I read her book twice. She “gets” fashion, many other plus size models try to pull it off, and it simply doesn’t work. Like a girl who I worked with said “Chubby girls always have to smile”. I hate that. I don’t want to smile. I want to be different.
I am broken, It may take awhile for me to fix myself. I am worried about her. I am worried about plus size modeling. I am worried about what I want to be. Try not to get too mad at me for being harsh on her, I am just in a very horrible mood.
